I am tired of trying | tacit's Blog

 I really don't think i can take it anymore. Everyday i just feel worse. Now this damn season is upon us.  

I don't think im going to make it through. 

Today has just been a bad day. I tried to make myself better. I tried to relax, listen to music and think of more 'positive' things. Once i am in a slightly less horrendous state the universe has to slam me back into place.

My mother screams "Your Father would be so disappointed in you if he was alive" or "I'm glad your father isn't alive to see what you are" Whatever the fuck she said. uhh its all hurtful. And you may ask why? what have i done to be such a disappointment? Well it beats the hell out of me.  

Then i am just trying to calm down and all of a sudden i just throw up. yay. fun.  

I don't want to bother applying to colleges anymore.... i think  i am just going to stop..

i have tried so fucking hard this year. ive tried to get up every morning and go. I just can't do it anymore. I have no purpose for doing it.

There is no future for me. none at all.